The Club

There is a club that I am longing to be a part of, but the membership is exclusive.

I can’t buy my way in to this club, nor can I earn it.

It must be a gift.

So far, even though I have asked repeatedly for this gift, membership in The Club had eluded me.

Members of this club can be easily picked out of a crowd – especially the new members.

They are wide-eyed with joy, and they can’t wait to tell everyone around them that they have just joined The Club.

They may look tired from lack of sleep, and their “uniform” may look a little wrinkled, but they wouldn’t exchange their membership for anything.

For they are members of The Mother’s Club; a membership that is one of the most precious in this world.

Many women have become members without realizing how precious membership is.

If you are a member, it is easy to forget life before joining The Club.

If you somehow can’t be a mother, it’s difficult to forget that you aren’t.

We have been left behind, happy for others who have joined The Club, but also sad for what seems so elusive to us.

One by one I have watched my friends and family move to membership while I have been left behind.

I went from having everything in common with my girlfriends to being the friend without kids.

I am often left out.

When The Club meets – which is any time two or more mothers are together – most of the time conversation revolves around being a mother.

These are conversations revolving around birthday parties, teething, baby dedications, diapers, funny stories, and how beautiful their children are when they are asleep.

At times I try to be a part of the conversation, but it is difficult.

When one member of The Club needs advice, she always calls another member.

My friends used to call me for advice, but since they became Club members, they never ask for my opinion anymore.

My advice is not sought because I do not hold a membership.

I see Club members planning nights out with other Club members because they have children.

Members of The Club tend to stick together.

I know that deep in my heart, nothing is ever done or said on purpose, but for me the pain comes from being left out.

For years, I didn’t know how precious membership would be to me.

I am sure I said some insensitive things around women who were struggling with infertility.

Now I know how real the pain is.

A simple trip to Wal-Mart is overwhelming.

Children are everywhere, along with everything Club members need for their children.

Why is it that I have to walk by the baby section of the store to get to the milk?

It seems that I can’t even spend a simple night at home with my husband without seeing a commercial like

“A baby changes everything.”

Even eating lunch at a restaurant seems to include sitting next to a mom who is yelling at her children.

If she only knew how blessed she was to have children acting up.

How do we cope without membership in The Club?

The only answer there can be is faith and prayer.

I hear God whispering at my hardest times, “Do you trust Me?”

Sometimes I have to think long and hard about my answer.

Then God shows that although I am not a member of The Mother’s Club, I am a member of a club that is even more precious and valuable.

I am a member of the family of God.

He reminds me that He has saved me by his Son’s precious blood and He has claimed me as His child.

He shows me the miracles in my life that only He could have provided, and there is no other answer but

“Yes, I trust You.”

There have been times when my heart was shattered in a million pieces and I have felt so left behind,

but God has never left me.

On my bad days, He has been faithful to catch every tear, and on my good days,

He has been loving enough to use me in helping others.

My desire to be a member is strong, but I have to remember that God knows my heart’s desire and

He understands when no one else does.

He created me and He knows every step of my life.

His desire is to fill my broken heart with comfort.

I have to try to never forget where He has taken me and what He has done for me.

I have to keep telling Him how I feel.

I don’t know whether I will ever become a member of The Club.

I wish I could end this story with God having answered my prayers, my way.

But for now, this is how my story goes.

I do know that God loves me so much he will not leave my heart empty;

He will fill it His way and in His timing.

Portions Copied from the newsletter - Stepping Stones, Christian Services for Adoption and Couples facing Infertility