Thoughts on becoming a mother...

I have lived by this poem for the last 5 years and it brought me a lot of comfort. I am still in awe at the wonderful blessing that we have been given and it renews my faith to realize that even in my darkest hour - God never deserted me. He never said - No, he just said "not right now". While I didn't understand that at the time and was often angry and sad - I now know that it was all in preparation for the wonderful blessing of Triplets.
To all of my friends who are still struggling - trust that God knows His plan for you and while it doesn't always match our own path - it is often so much better than we could have ever imagined.
I struggle, as many of my other friends do, with the fact that I have been blessed with this huge and wonderful blessing while others are suffering loses and failed attempts and I almost feel selfish talking about our pregnancy and 3 little blessings. My best friend, Amy, put it best - it's almost like survivors guilt. I know how it feels to be the only one left that isn't pregnant, I know how it feels to be left out, to not be able to participate in a conversation when the topic turns to children, I know how it feels to be a "freak" so my struggle now is not with infertility, but with the sensitivity to my friends who are still struggling. You all mean so much to me and I would never want to do something to hurt your feelings - so please know that this is now my struggle and I am trying very hard to continue to support you all and be a shoulder to cry on or arms to hugs you when you need them!

Thoughts on Becoming a Mother:

There are women that become mothers without effort, without thought, without patience or loss and they are good mothers and deserve and love their children.

I don’t believe that God never meant for me not to have children.

That's not my destiny; that's just a fork in the road I'm on.

I've been placed on the road less traveled, and, like it or not, I'm a better person for it.

Clearly, God meant for me to develop more compassion, deeper courage, and greater inner strength on this journey to resolution, and I haven't let him down.

Frankly, if the truth be known, I think God has singled me out for a special treatment.

I think God meant for me to build a thirst for a child so strong and so deep that when that baby is finally placed in my arms, it will be the longest, coolest, most refreshing drink I've ever known.

I will be better not because of genetics, or money or that I have read more books but because I have struggled and toiled for this child.

I have longed and waited.

I have cried and prayed.

I have endured and planned over and over again.

Like most things in life, the people who truly have appreciation are those who have struggled to attain their dreams.

I will notice everything about my child.

I will take time to watch my child sleep, explore and discover.

I will marvel at this miracle every day for the rest of my life.

I will be happy when I wake in the middle of the night to the sound of my child, knowing that I can comfort, hold and feed them and that I am not waking to take another temperature, pop another pill, take another shot or cry tears of a broken dream.

My dream will be crying for me.

I count myself lucky in this sense; that God has given me this insight, this special vision with which I will look upon my child.

Whether I parent a child I actually give birth to or a child that God leads me to, I will not be careless with my love.

I will be a better mother for all that I have endured.

I am a better wife, a better aunt, a better daughter, neighbor, friend and sister because I have known pain.

I know disillusionment as I have been betrayed by my own body.

I have been tried by fire and hell many never face, yet given time, I stood tall.

I have prevailed.

I have succeeded.

I have won.

So now, when others hurt around me, I do not run from their pain in order to save myself discomfort.

I see it, mourn it, and join them in theirs.

I listen.

And even though I cannot make it better, I can make it less lonely.

I have learned the immense power of another hand holding tight to mine, of other eyes that moisten as they learn to accept the harsh truth and when life is beyond hard.

I have learned a compassion that only comes with walking in those shoes.

I have learned to appreciate life.

Yes I will be a wonderful mother.