To be or not to be....

So I have been feeling this way for the last couple of days since the girls have been home and I have to say it - I give MAJOR props to women who stay home all the time with their children.
I am ready to go back to work.
As much as I love my girls and would jump in front of a speeding car for them - they frustrate me to no end. I am amazed at how in love you can be with your children while being completely frustrated with them at the same time. I know that our situation is not normal by any stretch of the imagination and that our frustration level is increased more than usual, but we wouldn't change it for the world. We couldn't imagine one of the girls not being here but I won't lie and say that it has all been roses and posies either. It is HARD work - it is frustrating - it is tiring - it is emotionally draining - and it is the best thing in the world all at the same time!

Having said that - I also know myself and I know that I NEED the outside stimulation. My career is important to me - I have worked VERY hard to get where I am and don't want to walk away from that. I am ready to go back to work and see my crew and my friends there, I am ready to deal with the stupidity of the hoops we have to jump through, I am ready to do things 40 times because people don't get all of the information up front and I am ready to get my butt chewed out for something that someone in my crew did wrong - but most of all - I am ready to be "Sherry, Installation Manager" and not just "Sherry, mommy of the Triplets".
Not that the two can't mix or that I don't know it is all about balance - but for me - that balance is combining the two rolls. Being a mother is the best and hardest thing that I have ever done - but I wouldn't be the mommy that I am without being the employee that I am as well. I think my manager summed it up best in my performance appraisal when she said 'Sherry has the innate ability to get more work done than the average person could. She is very organized, very likable and has the ability to stay focused and on track no matter what is thrown her way.' I hope those qualities bleed over into my life as a mommy as well and that my girls can look at me as a role model as to how to be a great mother while maintaining their own identity. That is more important to me than I realized - that I am not only defined by my status as a mother - but also as a friend, wife, daughter, sister, aunt, and mother. Being a mother is a hard fought dream come true for me and I am thankful for the blessings that God has given us. I feel like since we fought so hard to get to this point, that I shouldn't feel the frustration that I do because after all - I wanted this right? Yes - I did - we did. At the same time I can't help but feel like I am doing something wrong when they cry for no reason and I don't know why - or that I can't get them to sleep in their cribs so they are sleeping in laundry baskets - or when they throw up their bottle because I didn't hold them long enough after they ate because their sister was crying for their bottle too- or when I get frustrated and raise my voice to them. I know in my head that I'm doing everything that I can for them and in the grand scheme of things - who cares if they sleep in laundry baskets - but my heart hurts sometimes because I wonder if they will resent me when they are older because they didn't have my undivided attention - they have always had to share us. Guess only time will tell - It's all about balance right?